Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.

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(To Selma in their honeymoon suite) Now to do something I've been looking forward to my whole wedding day. (Abe takes off his shoes.) Oh, I'm glad I waited.

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Selma: Now, we are on our honeymoon
Grampa: I thought we were at the circus, Lisa.
Selma: Whoa boy.

The Simpsons: Hit & Run/Unused Voice Clips. From The Cutting Room Floor. Great memorable quotes and script exchanges from the The Simpsons movie on Quotes.net. Don't hit Maggie. She's just a baby. Homer: slapping Bart Don't hit Lisa. She's a girl. This is your Grandpa Murphy. Bill Cosby's Daughter: But we've got three grandpas already.

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Selma: Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?
Grampa: Slow down you hussie!

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In a world of thirty-one flavors, we're the cup of water they rinse the scoops in. Grampa out.

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Homer: We left plenty of food so you won't starve!
Grampa: Thank you!
Homer: I was talking to the cat!

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Grampa: I can finally win a gold medal. I came close at the 1936 Olympics. I threw a javelin that barely missed Hitler. But I did hit an assassin who was trying to kill Hitler.
Hitler (in 1936): What is this, Kill Hitler Day?
Grampa: The next time I saw Hitler, we had dinner and laughed about it.

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Grampa: (With his gold medal.) I've never been happier!
('The Star-Spangled Banner' plays)
Grampa: Turn that hippie crap off!

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Homer: My mother's dead.
Grampa: I'm still with you, son.
Homer: Oh, it just gets worse and worse!

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Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?
Grampa: It's night?
Homer: That's it, pull over!

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Homer: Dad, I can't remember what I did last night. Do have any idea?
Grampa: You come to me for help rememberin'? That's like asking your horse to do your taxes--Which I did in 1998. (Shows photo of horse using an adding machine.)

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(Grampa suggests that Homer should go see Professor Frink to help him remember what happened the night before.)
Homer: Really? Oh, that's great, Dad. How can I ever repay you?
Grampa: Punch that orderly who takes sips out of my juice.
Homer: Done.
(Cut to Homer punching an orderly who is about to make a bed.)
Grampa: No, wait. That's the guy that saved my life.

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The Simpsons Quotes

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

• Permalink: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song t...
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.

• Permalink: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a g...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Abe: That's Mock Rickly, my old Air Force buddy.
Bart: You said you were in the Army.
Lisa: You said you were in the Navy.
Abe: That's the kind of mix up that used to happen when I was in the Marines.

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I was sleeping in the dryer and got caught in your sheets.

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I don't ride side-saddle. I'm as straight as a submarine.

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Grampa: Unfortunately, like all true stories, this one has a crappy ending.
Bart: You have a story with an ending.

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Bart: He's alive!
Marge: And he didn't pee on the floor.
Grampa: For me that's a perfect day.

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Homer: Sorry, Dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
Grampa: You idiot! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.

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Grampa: And I created an alcoholic hippo.
Homer: You never showed it to me!
Grampa: A stupid alcoholic hippo!

• Permalink: And I created an alcoholic hippo. You never showed it to me! ...
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I'm Santa!? Oh, now I'll never die.

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You two look good - open casket good.

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In 1957 I saw him turn turn the Secretary of Agriculture into the Secretary of the Interior. It was hell on their wives, but it sure brought down corn prices. Built a house out of corn. It was the worst home I ever owed? when it got really hot it smelled like Frito's.

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What can I do for you? Eat something green? Vote for someone brown?

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Grampa: The television only has one channel.
Aide: That's a fish tank!
Grampa: You're a fish tank.
Aide: That was hurtful. I wish I was a fish tank, then I could filter out his nasty words.

• Permalink: The television only has one channel. That's a fish tank! You...
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The Simpsons Quotes

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

• Permalink: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song t...
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.

• Permalink: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a g...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0